Joining the Fraternity of CL was something stable in the midst of a sea of questions and uncertainties. The beginning of the pandemic surprised me whilst I was in Erasmus in Paris. I had to return to Madrid and all my plans changed completely overnight. At first, I welcomed these new circumstances, which included living with the disease (my own and those of the people I love); but as the months went by, questions began to come to light that I did not want to face or that I believed had been resolved. Among them, the question of my destiny became more urgent: what will become of me? I had just graduated from college and there were far fewer professional opportunities than I had imagined. Around me I saw friends getting married, buying homes, starting jobs, having children. But what about me?

Gradually, the idea dawned on me that I had not made the right decisions over the past few years and that is why I was not reaching the milestones for a full life. To make matters worse, the pandemic prevented me from seeking a solution to these problems. In the midst of these questions, there was one fact, which lay outside of these calculations: after my years in the CLU, I wanted to join the Fraternity. I ultimately joined by begging. I needed to beg for what fascinated me. Four years ago, when I had a huge wound, I listened to Carrón proposing that we university students undertake a journey with him. I wanted to learn to live as he lived so that my problems, pain, and questions were no longer an obstacle, but gave new renewed enthusiasm. There, I understood that the questions that I dared not confess even to myself were perhaps precisely those through which I could grow.

During this year of the pandemic, the question has reopened. But with one difference: I know where to go back to in order to beg. I need a carnal presence and place that will allow me to look at my heart without fear. On my own, I am terrified. As I was signing up, I realized that this was my first act as an adult. In questioning my future, I was taking a step towards my destiny; I was acknowledging the truth that was already written in my heart. Fr. Giussani, Carrón, and all those who walk him, are friends, helping me to fulfil my question.

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At first, I did not understand why Giussani found this question so important: "What will profit a man if he gains the whole world but then loses himself?" (Mt 16:26). This question describes what happened to me with Carrón, and what I want to keep happening throughout my life. He takes my need more seriously than I take myself and reopens it, and in doing so puts me before the Mystery. I have been part of the Church all my life, and yet I could not have imagined that Christ is a carnal presence that exalts my desire and offers me fullness. In this place, I have come to know Christ in each of the faces I have met; in the way they look at my desire and my need, and in the promise that is their own life. Through them, I have come to know Christ. I only knew Him before through hearsay. That is why this year I took one of the most important steps of my adult life; it was not getting a mortgage or getting married, but joining the Fraternity. I do not know what my future will hold, but I do know that my destiny is linked to the movement and, through the movement, to Christ.

Ana, Madrid, Spain