"More at risk, but happier”

She has a rare disease that leads to severe immunodepression. The indications are clear: stay locked indoors. But precautions are not enough to overcome fear. And yet...

Our first month of isolation has just finished, all five of us in the house. I am 33 years old, I have been living with a rare condition for almost 14 years, which leads me to be severely immunodepressed. To complicate it further, one aspect of my pathology is frequent pulmonary exacerbation. It was important that I specify my starting point, in order to explain the level of tension and fear that immediately pervaded me. From the very beginning, a friend who is a doctor, working in the worst place in Lombardy (Bergamo), immediately swept every interlocutory thought from my head, showing me a clear path: you have to stay locked in your house and limit your contacts as much as possible. From that precise moment, I understood that I was simply asked to follow. I have three small children and the idea of quarantine worried me, plus my husband would have to stop going to work.

The scenario was not idyllic, complicated by the fact that I had had a fever for a few days and had little physical strength. What if I had the virus? I went to the hospital and, there, I experienced the grace that allowed me change direction. A doctor, all dressed up, tested me and looked into my frightened eyes and said: "Do not worry, I am here and if it is positive you will be admitted immediately".

Being hospitalized would mean being alone and away from my family. I was about to collapse when I thought: but if Jesus has supported me in facing so many obstacles in life, He gave me the strength to face very heavy situations, would He really leave me alone? Do you not think that He will find a way of taking care of my family? I said: "Lord, I am suffering, I am afraid, but I trust You, I need You".

I came out of the hospital and was told to completely isolate myself, but I felt as though I were being carried. The result was negative, but, in the meantime, the general situation related to the virus was getting more and more serious. I was not burdened by having to stay at home, this was what my illness trained me for, as well as training me to depend even more on someone else (we cannot go shopping so as not to risk bringing something into the house), but, above all, I was not burdened by the knowledge that I was part of the population defined as weak, fragile.

Read also - "I surrendered to gratitude"

In the evening, I watch my children fall asleep and I think that I am doing everything I can not to get sick, I am observing all the rules, but there is one thing: my heart does not rest and it is no longer quiet if I spend the day thinking about the necessary precautionary measures, it will not be happy if the antiviral drug being tested works, it does not relieve me to know if a vaccine will be ready or not. What makes me happy in this whole dramatic situation is the certainty of a promise of good. We are suffering Calvary, we are retracing Jesus’ steps, this sacrifice will lead to a cross, but afterwards we will be witnesses of the resurrection. I offer every effort, every fear, every physical pain for the dead, for their families and for the doctors, as Jesus did, He offered His sacrifice for us, for our freedom. The real question now is: "But do you love me?". And I, quite simply, answer that I trust Him and that I need Him.

Signed letter