Paying Attention
At work, most of the time, I am overwhelmed by the responsibility and all the work involved in teaching, but recently I've been very struck by the love that I see growing in me for my students...The reading of the Spiritual Exercise was an important reminder of the importance of paying attention to what attracts me in reality, since it may be a way through which Christ is calling me to be in relationship with Him. I often skip the attraction and focus on the things that I need to do.
At work, most of the time, I am overwhelmed by the responsibility and all the work involved in teaching, but recently I've been very struck by the love that I see growing in me for my students. I see myself paying more attention to the curiosity of my students, to their interest in learning the research methods that I teach so they can design projects to address the scientific questions they have. Moved by their questions, they work really hard in my class, and they are restless. Moved by them, I am not afraid of my limitations, but I want to respond to their need in the best way I can.
Last week, I had a flight to catch after class to attend an important meeting in Boston. I was worried because I was asked to lead the meeting and I had had no time to prepare for it. During the first half of my class, I was very distracted, I just wanted to get it done with so that I could get to the other things I needed to do. During the break, one of my students asked me: 'are you tired?'. I said, 'yes, a little bit, why?' He said: 'because you are not yourself. You have so much energy when you are rested; the class is different'.
I stopped and looked at him for a minute. His affirmation that I was not myself kept ringing in my ear. Who am I? What does he see when I am 'rested'? I was also struck by the fact that he was calling me back; reality was calling me to be there, to look at what was in front of me instead of what was in my mind. What a blessing it is to be called to be awake, just like that!
With all this in mind, I started the second part of the lecture. Looking at my classroom I saw my student looking happy again. I do not know what he sees, I don't know who I am, but I understood at that moment that in order to be myself, I need to be present in reality, I need to remain in the attraction that moves me, with all myself, because there is nothing more precious than the present moment.