Dear Father Julián: This morning, just as the deadline was about to expire, I sent the payment for the Fraternity Exercises. To tell the truth, I had sent the enrollment form some time ago and left the payment for later. Our financial situation is dramatic. My husband’s line of work has been at a standstill for months, and he insists on waiting for the crisis to pass. I don’t agree with his decision, and I try to do my best to generate enough income for the both of us. Despite my efforts, though, there are holes in our family budget, and not only there. When I get to the end of my rope, I become impatient and go berserk. Lately, not a day goes by without receiving overdue bills, invoices from the Equitalia tax collection agency, and payment-due notices, to name just a few. Every time this mail arrives, my husband becomes gloomy, lays the mail somewhere, and carries on, pretending the problem does not exist. I try to keep my cool, but there comes a time when I have to shake him up, if only to help figure out the extent of our debts. But at that point, I am the one who tries to find a solution. This year, I waited and waited for him to say something about the enrollment for the Exercises, but nothing happened. With two overdue mortgage payments, and his account frozen, I couldn’t reach a decision myself. At the same time, taking for granted that I had to give up the whole idea didn’t quite sit well with me. Therefore, I decided to send the form, leaving the payment for later. I read the Page One section in Traces, and when I got to the point where you say, “The reduction of desire or the censorship of any need is the weapon of the powers that be,” I asked myself what my desire was and if I was reducing it. For sure, I would feel more comfortable if our finances were in good shape, but something allows me not to despair even with the situation as it is. What is this something? What makes me love my husband despite everything I told you about him? What gives meaning to my life? It is the encounter with a living presence that happened many years ago, and that reawakened my “I.” Christ is what I need to live, and Christ has the face of those friends who offered to help with the payment for the Exercises, as well as the face of those who will not be able to come, like my husband, who told me, “At least you go.” Most of all, Christ has your face, Julián, and you don’t give up on us. I asked for an appointment with my boss, to request an advance on my severance pay. The appointment was on the 16th, and I was afraid I would not have enough time to make the payment deadline. That very night, I learned that the deadline had been moved, and that I had one more day. That was the sign that He was waiting for me. Yesterday my boss authorized the immediate payment of the advance I asked for. Today, since the transfer did not appear on line, I asked my colleague to please complete the transaction. He actually understood how important it was for me and offered to go the extra mile to make sure the transfer would go through. Could it be that this colleague of mine–an atheist, a pragmatist, and a bit of a moralist, too–is the face of Christ as well?

Barbara