My name is Niccoló Santambrogio and I’m a professional skateboarder from Italy. I want to share my recent experience at the Fraternity Exercises that happened on May 23-25, 2015 at the Poverello of Assisi Retreat House in San Fernando, California.

It must be said that I’ve never been a fan of these kinds of events because it requires being away for a few days and so it interrupts my daily routine, which in my case consists of practicing and training.

I grew up in a “family of the movement” and I attended schools associated with CL. Despite this, I never really cared much about CL. When I was in High-school I remember I participated in some random moments like the GS Triduum or vacations, but usually it was the result of some deal I had made with my mom (the best was when she allowed me to go to my first European skateboard trip to Barcelona at the age of 15, if I assured her that I would go to the “Triduum.”!)

Those moments, even if I was there without being completely present, I can now say were not in vain. In fact, simply watching and listening to people from a distance has been enough to notice a difference. Whether it was the vocabulary used, gestures made, or how they were generally living among themselves, they were so different from my crew of skaters and from how I lived my youth.

I got a little closer to CL when I took part in the Pilgrimage of Czestochowa. I had been invited by a friend and since I was injured and was not able to skate I decided to go, thinking that it could be helpful in receiving the grace for a faster recovery. Moreover, I always had an affection for the Virgin Mary, so I liked the idea of going to thank her for the past several years and to entrust my future to her. When I returned, I remember that I was happy for the experience.

After a troubled summer, deciding what to do for the university, I started to follow this companionship more closely at the Catholic University in Milan (2006-2011). I was grateful for a few guys who from day one, despite our differences (they were not skaters) took an interest in my passion for skateboarding. I felt looked at differently by them. I felt loved. They invited me to join them at School of Community and I slowly started to hang out with them a little bit more than with my skating crew. There was something totally different in their way of approaching everything in life, which I was attracted to, and which corresponded more.

Those years joining CL were not easy. I didn’t understand much at the beginning which frustrated me a lot. For example, I’ve always had a clear understanding of the value of time. I‘ve always wanted to use my time well because wasting time always bothered me a lot. Father Giussani’s sentence: “Live reality intensely,” which I would read all the time in the poster that my mom left close to the table where I would do homework, generated a sense of anger in me. That time of studying could have been used to practice.

In addition, those guys were always very active in politics and events for which I had no interest. I just cared about skating. Often my practice and events were happening at the same time of CL events and meetings, which caused the question to emerge: should I follow them or should I do my own thing? It was a question that had never arisen before in my life because it was obvious to me that in order to be happy all I needed was to be with my board. My satisfaction was coming from skateboarding; skateboarding was all I needed in my life.

Many other questions regarding my life, CL, and skateboarding started popping up in my mind that wouldn’t leave me alone. The beginning of my journey with CL was full of conflict, it didn’t make my life any easier, but complicated it a lot. However, those people seemed happier than me and they seemed like they were living their lives in a better way than I was. That’s why, even though often struggling, I kept following.

What helped my adherence to CL become a little more certain and mature was the encounter with the CDO Sports group and in particular with the director at that time, Marco Platania, as well as with the priest who follows the group, Don Eugenio Nembrini. Both asked and encouraged me to go deeper and deeper into my passion for skateboarding, and at the same time they challenged me to verify if skateboarding is truly the source of my happiness; if it is what sustains my life. I took this task very seriously, trusting them not because they seemed smarter than I was, but because they were incredibly human, very solid people, who were totally worth listening to and following.

I went very deep on the first part of the “mission”, to the point that I’m now living in a place I’d always dreamed to be, Los Angeles, California, the birth place of skateboarding. Here the situation is ideal, beginning with the weather (I can practice year around) to the awesome facilities, to the outstanding skateboarders you can meet.

Unfortunately for me, the past years have not exactly been as I wished or planned. I had to face many difficulties (such as injuries, health issues, an unusual financial situation, LA laws, my VISA, etc.), which obliged me to spend more time off the board than on it. Often times while skating, my mind is full of worries and stress.

This tough time has been pretty helpful for my life though: in fact it has been the opportunity for me to start digging into the second part of the “mission”, the challenge that Marco and Don Eugenio launched me on years before: “to verify if skateboarding is truly the source of my happiness, if it is what sustains my life”. God did not leave me alone in the States in front of this task. I’ve been blessed by the companionship of friends who, despite the fact I do not see them physically due to LA’s crazy life style, have been with me and “simply” reminding me with their presence to Whom I should look and refer to most.

Many facts and encounters happened during my stay here in California which allowed the growth of more awareness about my life, about who I am, about what I truly desire. I want to be truly happy now in everything I do, when I skate and train, but also in every single instant of my day. I want to be a joyful person, who loves life. Who can give me this? Who has the power to make this happen? Who??? I saw how sad and empty my days were without what I most love doing. And so? What’s the point of living if you can’t do what you love most, or if you can do it but not how you pictured it? How fearful is it to wake up in the morning thinking that you know everything about the day that is about to start. Instead how freeing it is to think that I don’t know anything about my day because it’s not me that makes today, it is Another who makes today and who makes every day, and who makes me in this day. Within it there exists a possibility to be loved, to be happy and joyful, which is not connected to my capabilities, from what I’m going to do, from my performance (in my case). This possibility starts even before I make the first step out of the bed to jump into my routine. Because it is always present, this possibility is always present, because He is always present.

I’m learning and living these things thanks to the recent work on the book “Why the Church?” It opened in me the desire to reach the faith in God of those medieval men, to start living that kind of tight relationship with the Mystery in every instant of my life and in all its aspects. How amazing is it when at pages 32 it says:” in medieval life God was treated and conceived of for what he really is –the source of all things and, therefore, the supreme presence in any aspect of life. The most difficult thing for medieval man to imagine –in contrast to our modern culture, which unfortunately sees it as obvious- was God as something beside real life with all its worries and commitments.” At the same time I found it very helpful what Pope Francis said to the Movement in St. Peter Square last March 7th: “Jesus Christ always acts first. He primerears us”; He awaits us; Jesus Christ always precedes us, and when we arrive, He is already there waiting... There is only one center: Jesus, Jesus Christ!”

Therefore, I had to ask myself if I truly want to follow Father Giussani and the Pope or not.f I want to have that position in my daily life, if I want to live as they live, as those medieval men lived. I asked myself what’s the priority in my life. I always put myself first in relation to skateboarding, never myself in relation with Christ. I thought the time had come for me to give a shot to the second possibility, and see what will happen.

The first move I did towards this direction has been to assure that I have enough time during my day to work on School of Community and to have enough room for prayers. The second one is something I decided spontaneously, to participate to the Fraternity Exercises. This time no one had to keep repeating the request ad nauseam, whether I was going to attend or not. This year it just came as a consequence of the path I started. It has been easier to “sacrifice” my practice for 2 days, to accept it and to be at peace with it. This happened because I’ve been more aware that Who is behind my training and practice is still Him, it’s not me that give to myself the talent & skills to skate and the strength, will, and drive to train hard for it. So if a moment like the retreat happens where my faith can be helped to grow, where my relationship with Christ can make a step forward in the path of certainty, I now understand why it’s worth to mark it on the calendar and make space for it, give priority to it, to Him and not to me and to my plans and ideas. I can tell that this is a miracle that has happened in my life. There was the obstacle related with the financial aspect, but it has been easily solved when I talked to my Dad. He offered to pay the fee, since he wanted me to go. And I remember he said something like, “$200 more or less is not a big deal in the balance and in your life. What is truly a big deal is that there you can be educated to live your life better and to face all obstacles in your life. Don’t miss this opportunity.” Then also Guido (our School of Community responsible) helped me with that anticipating the money and so, in less than 24 hours I was enrolled, just 10 days before the event.

As I said at the beginning, I’ve never been a fan of this kind of event. That’s why I’ve been very surprised in those ten days of waiting to notice in myself that this time instead I was really looking forward to go there, I really wanted to go, and I felt the urgency and the need to go there, to be there.

The first thing that made my heart vibrate has been the classical music and the paintings on the screen along with the silence at the entrance on the first night and then in all the following days. I honestly don’t know why Father Giussani thought about this, but I bet he decided to accompany the moment of the entrance with the combination of classical music, art and silence for a specific reason. And I now appreciate it more compared to the past, I found it very helpful to concentrate into what was about to start avoiding to lose myself in my thoughts. I really wanted to stay as much alert as possible.

What surprised me even more has been that I naturally started singing with them. I sang those songs without a doubt of doing it or not as I was used to doing, because I was feeling very embraced. I needed to sing because I needed to follow and be alive in front of what was happening, I could not allow myself to miss an instant of that moment. Full of this desire, singing just came as a consequence. My singing was a sort of prayer to Jesus, because everything is related to Him. The same thing with the morning prayers, which I still don’t get why are said in that way that I find pretty funny, but there must be a reason behind that too. I prayed in that “funny way” trying to do my best in following the directions given by the choir leader. I pretended to do it at my best just as how I pretend my best when I’m practicing a trick with my board or doing an exercise in the gym: “living reality intensively”, that’s all that matter. Considering I’ve never had a personal song book and book of hours, all those times when a song was not familiar to me I moved myself closer to somebody who had them, because it was my priority to be a part of that and not simply a spectator: it was my need to participate. I need it because I need Him, and if He can happen through just a song, I’m going for it.

Among all of the lessons, the one by Father Giussani at the CLU Exercises in 1994 was the most powerful for me. It was the first time I saw and heard him speaking for a consistent amount of time. Hearing his voice and watching the expressions on his face, the way he talked and moved was a positive discovery for me. And what he said in those two hours... the way he spoke about Christ making Him so alive, about the Gospel and about the disciples was so clear and direct: I felt truly like one of the disciples, I am His disciple! And all those brilliant examples he gave to help us understand better. And the vibration of his voice, his facial expressions and body movement. I came out from that moment with the same impression expressed by Saint Peter: if I don’t believe in this man, in what this man is saying to me, in what he is teaching to me about Jesus and about life...if I don’t follow Father Giussani, where should I go?

One of the most precious points that I am carefully preserving from these days is to collaborate in being brought back constantly to the Center, to Christ. How? Starting from paying more attention to those instruments that the Movement offers:

-Belong to the Fraternity: yes, you got it right, I’m not part of the Fraternity yet and I went to the Fraternity Exercises without being a “member” of it. I’ve never considered to enroll in it before, never took information, and never thought about it. School of Community was enough for me. I now have understood that instead I need it. I need it because I need to be brought back constantly to the Center. It's really essential at this stage of my life with all the challenges I have to face to stay on track and be ready in case I fall away. Life is crazy and my general situation is pretty delicate at the moment, and it is very easy to fall into the trap of worrying about everything and thinking that it all depends on me. I don’t want this. That’s why it completely makes sense for me to join a group of the Fraternity, a further help of the School of Community.

-Common found: I’m so thankful to Fr. Carron for having given that report during the announcements about the financial situation of CL. I never realized that there was so much stuff involved behind the Movement and so I never paid the Common Found; I was always forgetting about it, not because I did not want to do that, but because I simply never understood the “weight” of it. After Fr. Carron’s explanation, I now understand why it’s worth it to take seriously the task of paying the common fund regularly. I want to contribute to what helps my life be guided by Christ’s light, to what helps me to stay on this path.

-Book of Hours: I’m truly looking forward to having one and learning how to use it. As I said, making space daily for the work of School of Community and for prayers has become essential so that I don’t fall into the trap. It makes sense to start following that book not with the aim to become a better and more complete “ciellino”, not at all! But because it may help me to go deeper in my relationship with Christ and to be centered to Him again during my day when I find myself instead centered on me.

-Family Vacation: I'm very interested in knowing why Father Giussani thought to create a moment like this, which is so different from a retreat. It’s definitely worthy to understand it more and take a position in front of this event which is going to happen soon.

The last thing I want to share is this: that whole week after the Fraternity Exercises was positively guided by what happened there. I started looking at things more like those medieval men, with more awareness of the value of everything in life and of its origin and so repetitively begging for Him in front of what I’m asked to do every day, because I now know that He only can make me truly happy, filling me with joy and courage in front of all circumstances, either on and off my skateboard. I don't want to miss this position in front of Christ. And in case that happens -because it may happen, even for just an instant- I now know I can count on the help of this companionship and more specifically on the friendship with Father Giussani who I never met in person but who I feel like is my best friend, my most precious friend. There’s an Italian saying which states: ”Chi trova un amico, trova un tesoro” (“He who finds a friend, finds a treasure”).

Well, I think I’ve found my treasure.

Niccoló Santambrogio, USA